Letters to a Future Love No.1
Dear Mr Maybe
You might be wondering, given the fluidity of my sexuality, why I’m addressing this to Mr Maybe.
You may not be a Mr at all and if that’s the case then I hope you’ll keep reading anyway. I suppose it just seems unlikely, given the bulk of my experience/trust issues with women, that we’ll share a gender.
Either way, I hope you’ll let me share your hoodies.
If you’re wondering about the Maybe part of that title, I guess, if I’m being entirely honest, it’s because I’m not so sure you’re out there.
Does that sound defeatist?
I don’t mean it to. I also don’t mean to give the impression that I’m waiting for some unrealistic ideal to come sweep me off my feet. That’s not why I have doubts, it’s me I’m not so sure about, maybe I’m just made to be solitary.
It’s a chilling thought given both my monophobia and hopelessly romantic heart. I don’t want to be solitary, I don’t want to be alone.Maybe that’s why I’m writing to you, before I even know who you are, because I’m not ready to give up hope. Hope that you’re out there, hope that you’ll find me, hope that when you do you’ll take the risk.
Are you a gambler?
I am. Not with money, that’s never had much of an appeal, I gamble with life and I’m not too proud to admit I’ve been on a bit of a losing streak when it comes to love. I have a habit of betting on the wrong heart.
Maybe you can change that, be the charm my luck’s been missing.
Maybe you can charm your way past my defences to where I’m soft, vulnerable and so unconditionally open. Maybe my maze of emotional walls isn’t the only thing I want you to charm your way into.
I have a lot of maybes, I’ve been collecting them, I’m just missing the biggest one of all.
Maybe you can change that too.
I’ll be waiting to find out, whenever you’re ready…